Elena Steier, Cartoonist

Vera Borisovna recently began working as a hat check girl at the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym. As you know, the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym is part of the underground complex known as "The Shadow Government", or as the people who are members there refer to it, "Cheney's Bunker" or just "The Bunker". Previously, she had been waitressing at her parents' West Hartford Restaurant, Le Metropol. Known more for its money laundering than for its supposedly Russian Cuisine, Le Metropol closed shop when Vera's grandmother drowned in the Borscht under very mysterious circumstances.

October 18

Dear Computer,

Jesus works out a lot in the gym. I think he's building up muscle mass for the second coming or something. He might be working for the CIA, or at the very least, Halliburton. Jesus is kind a strange guy. Keeps to himself.

When Peggy Noonan saw Jesus working out on the treadmill, she went bananas.

"You're my idol!" she gushed.

You never call Jesus an idol.

He turned her into a frog with his magic halo, because he's Jesus, and he can do stuff like that.

October 17

Dear Computer,

Dick Cheney is great in the sack...the potato sack race, that is.

It may just be that his sack is outfitted with litte anti-gravity devices that spirit him towards the finish line at about six inches above the ground.

Yes, it's true, Dick Cheney has THOSE kinds of connections.

He owns the bunker, after all.

October 16

Dear Computer,

William Donaldson, SEC chairman, has started an exercise class meant to whip CEO's into shape.

I don't know what he was thinking. Those CEO's could care less about doing anything he tells them to do. They just stand around and say stuff like "Bill, you're killing us."

Today, as I was watching those guys, it occurred to me that If it were stock options that were being exercised, there'd be a lot less talk and a lot more action.

October 15

Dear Computer,

Wesley Clark has been such a busy little bee, going from speech to speech, interview to interview.

He's spooked a few of the guys around here with the little stinger on his tail. Karl Rove dives for cover whenever he hears the telltale buzz.

But most people here in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym just let him be because he's so cute. Also, if truth be told, he knows the right flowers to pollinate, if you know what I mean.

Bechtelunia, Carlylia, Halliburtonia...

October 14

Dear Computer,

Dick Cheney's company, Halliburton, is having a bake sale in the front lobby of the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym. I guess they're having lots of legal problems, between asbestos suits, the Nigerian bribery thing, and that guy in a Roswell jail who claims they sold him the warheads. The more cookies they sell, the better the chances they'll be around for the next war.

Maya is looking over my shoulder as I'm writing this. She says that I should change that last line to read "the better the chances they'll be around to start the next war."

Some people think that just because Dick Cheney still gets stock options from Halliburton, that he may not have the interests of the United States at heart.

Come on. He got thirty four million from Halliburton as his severence pay when he left to run for office. How much money does a man need?

I rest my case.



	October 13 Dear Computer, Once when Rush Limbaugh was really small, he was picked up by resident Tri-Lateral Commission Gym strongman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, no slouch himself in the department of ingesting chemicals. "Power is like a drug," Rush told him. "It makes you see the hired help as three headed Margunas from the planet Whump." Arnold, who knew much about aliens, wasn't really listening. To Rush's amazement, he had turned into a Petunia.