Vera Borisovna works as a hat check girl at the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym, part of the underground complex known as "Cheney's Bunker" where the illuminutty ride the exercycles of power. We are privileged that she has agreed to let the Striporama carry her first person accounts of life in the Bunker.
June 17, 2004
Dear Computer,
Quoting Romans 13, Justice Scalia said, "But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid, for he beareth not the sword in vain, for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doth evil" as he sat down at his very own exercise machine.
Custom made by the friendly folks at Opus Dei, the contraption works the upper body like its nobody's business.
The drawback to the machine is that whenever Scalia uses it, the floors of the Tri-Lateral Commission gym become littered with battle axes and swords. Each weapon has it's own name:
"Vengeful Yahweh"
"Holy Retribution"
"Wrathful Hand of God"
and so forth.
I suppose this weaponry theoretically could be used duck hunting with one's illuminutty friends, but I doubt it.
June 16, 2004
Dear Computer,
You can imagine how wild it was to have Jesus walk into the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym this morning. He just walked around the gym, waving at people, saying "Hey, guys, look, I'm back!", speaking in Aramaic, of course.
There are all kinds of theories about the second coming. Dick Cheney and his bunch adhere to to a post-millennialist Christian point of view, meaning that God had annointed them the official subduers of the earth pending the appearance of Christ. Known either as Dominion theology or as Theonomic Reconstructionism, it's the reason that certain exercycles are outfitted with 3-d mapping systems. In some circles, there's been questions about why Christians had to wait two thousand years in order to rule the entire planet. The answer is Global Positioning System, which is of recent invention and targets heathen from all corners of the globe.
Cheney et al. were vigorously pursuing this Dominionist mandate when Christ unexpectedly returned, unfortunately walking in before they were able to put their entire plan into action. All they'd been able to accomplish so far was dominion over contracting decisions as regards the Federal Government and the War in Iraq. And even then, the darn pipelines kept being sabotaged.
So Dick Cheney called over his Service Agents and had them tackle Jesus to the ground.
With Jesus safely en route to Gitmo, we now we await the third coming of Christ.
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Dear Computer, Quoting Romans 13, Justice Scalia said, "But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid, for he beareth not the sword in vain, for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doth evil" as he sat down at his very own exercise machine. Custom made by the friendly folks at Opus Dei, the contraption works the upper body like its nobody's business. The drawback to the machine is that whenever Scalia uses it, the floors of the Tri-Lateral Commission gym become littered with battle axes and swords. Each weapon has it's own name: "Vengeful Yahweh" "Holy Retribution" "Wrathful Hand of God" and so forth. I suppose this weaponry theoretically could be used duck hunting with one's illuminutty friends, but I doubt it. |
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Dear Computer, You can imagine how wild it was to have Jesus walk into the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym this morning. He just walked around the gym, waving at people, saying "Hey, guys, look, I'm back!", speaking in Aramaic, of course. There are all kinds of theories about the second coming. Dick Cheney and his bunch adhere to to a post-millennialist Christian point of view, meaning that God had annointed them the official subduers of the earth pending the appearance of Christ. Known either as Dominion theology or as Theonomic Reconstructionism, it's the reason that certain exercycles are outfitted with 3-d mapping systems. In some circles, there's been questions about why Christians had to wait two thousand years in order to rule the entire planet. The answer is Global Positioning System, which is of recent invention and targets heathen from all corners of the globe. Cheney et al. were vigorously pursuing this Dominionist mandate when Christ unexpectedly returned, unfortunately walking in before they were able to put their entire plan into action. All they'd been able to accomplish so far was dominion over contracting decisions as regards the Federal Government and the War in Iraq. And even then, the darn pipelines kept being sabotaged. So Dick Cheney called over his Service Agents and had them tackle Jesus to the ground. With Jesus safely en route to Gitmo, we now we await the third coming of Christ. |
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