Vera Borisovna works as a hat check girl at the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym, part of the underground complex known as "Cheney's Bunker" where the illuminutty ride the exercycles of power. We are privileged that she has agreed to let the Striporama carry her first person accounts of life in the Bunker.
May 28, 2004
Dear Computer,
Remember the old question "What car would Jesus drive?"
May 27, 2004
Dear Computer,
The queen mole rat sauntered into the Tri-Lateral Commission gym wearing her finest plastic trunk attached to her head by an elastic, and a pair of fake elephant ears glued to the sides of her head. The entire room erupted in applause. The queen mole rat explained that everything was hunky dory in Iraq and getting hunkier. More applause. She explained that the deficit was a figment of everyone's imagination. Wild applause. She said the abuse thing was no worse than the naked human pyramid thing they used to do in Skull and Bones. Hysterical hoots and insane applause. She said Prince Bandar was still a swell guy, everyone will see. The crowd could hardly be contained. She said God Bless America and walked out, avoiding reporters and adjusting the uncomfortable fake trunk. It's probably the reason she can't string a complete sentence together.
"Isn't she wonderful?" cooed Representative Deborah Pryce, Republican, of Ohio.
May 26, 2004
Dear Computer,
Ahmad Chalabi has been hanging around in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym gathering evidence of U.N. complicity in the Food for Oil Program scandal in which money was being siphoned into the pockets of Saddam Hussein. Much like U.S. money has been siphoned into the pockets of Ahmad Chalabi, I might point out, but that's another story. You might ask why would Chalabi be looking in the gym of all places. He might be better served rummaging elsewhere, say in Iraq, for evidence.
No, Ahmad Chalabi went to the gym because that's where Doug Feith, Undersecretary of Defense, works out on the Bo-flex machine. Doug knows everything. He knows where the weapons of mass destruction are theoretically hidden, he knows where pipelines will theoretically be build, he knows which contractors will theoretically make gajillions of dollars rebuilding which part of Iraq. He is our resident Tri-Lateral Commission gym genius.
Unfortunately, Chalabi overlooked one little fact. This fact is the existence of U.N. special envoy to Iraq, Lakhdar Brahimi. Lakhdar took one little look at Chalabi running around scrounging for evidence and talking dirt about the U.N., grabbed him by the back of his jacket, and shoved him into the trash.
By this time, of course, Feith was long gone and Chalabi had no where to go but into the dumpster in the back of the gym.
May 25, 2004
Dear Computer,
It was General Karpinski who said that General Miller told her he wanted to "Gitmo-ize" Abu Ghraib Prison. This struck me as funny as just the other day, Gitmo Eyes were on the Menu of the Bush Diner here in the Bunker.
A regular visitor to the Diner is Lynne Cheney, wife of the vice president and champion of good clean video games. None of the violent stuff. That her husband led the charge to not so good clean war is of course ironic, but that's besides the point. She enjoys the diner for the good conversation and interesting cuisine.
Robert Blackwill, special presidential envoy to Iraq and John Negroponte, head of the Provisional Authority in Iraq joined her for some Gitmo Eyes prior to taking their assignments in Iraq. Negroponte used to be ambassador to the Honduras while the infamous Battalion 316 was offing people right under his nose. Blackwill was ambassador to India when Dhabol, the Enron financed and run power facility, was in dispute. Blackwill threatened the entire country with dire consequences should they refuse to pay inflated prices for energy.
I suppose I should mention the irony of these two men with their histories taking high profile positions in Iraq while our country is still reeling from the photographs of abused prisoner at Abu Ghraib.
There was a fourth person at the counter sharing repast with these three. It may have been the devil, as he lives in a cave somewhere beneath the bunker, but I couldn't tell you for sure.
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Dear Computer, Remember the old question "What car would Jesus drive?" |
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Dear Computer, The queen mole rat sauntered into the Tri-Lateral Commission gym wearing her finest plastic trunk attached to her head by an elastic, and a pair of fake elephant ears glued to the sides of her head. The entire room erupted in applause. The queen mole rat explained that everything was hunky dory in Iraq and getting hunkier. More applause. She explained that the deficit was a figment of everyone's imagination. Wild applause. She said the abuse thing was no worse than the naked human pyramid thing they used to do in Skull and Bones. Hysterical hoots and insane applause. She said Prince Bandar was still a swell guy, everyone will see. The crowd could hardly be contained. She said God Bless America and walked out, avoiding reporters and adjusting the uncomfortable fake trunk. It's probably the reason she can't string a complete sentence together. "Isn't she wonderful?" cooed Representative Deborah Pryce, Republican, of Ohio. |
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Dear Computer, Ahmad Chalabi has been hanging around in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym gathering evidence of U.N. complicity in the Food for Oil Program scandal in which money was being siphoned into the pockets of Saddam Hussein. Much like U.S. money has been siphoned into the pockets of Ahmad Chalabi, I might point out, but that's another story. You might ask why would Chalabi be looking in the gym of all places. He might be better served rummaging elsewhere, say in Iraq, for evidence. No, Ahmad Chalabi went to the gym because that's where Doug Feith, Undersecretary of Defense, works out on the Bo-flex machine. Doug knows everything. He knows where the weapons of mass destruction are theoretically hidden, he knows where pipelines will theoretically be build, he knows which contractors will theoretically make gajillions of dollars rebuilding which part of Iraq. He is our resident Tri-Lateral Commission gym genius. Unfortunately, Chalabi overlooked one little fact. This fact is the existence of U.N. special envoy to Iraq, Lakhdar Brahimi. Lakhdar took one little look at Chalabi running around scrounging for evidence and talking dirt about the U.N., grabbed him by the back of his jacket, and shoved him into the trash. By this time, of course, Feith was long gone and Chalabi had no where to go but into the dumpster in the back of the gym. |
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Dear Computer, It was General Karpinski who said that General Miller told her he wanted to "Gitmo-ize" Abu Ghraib Prison. This struck me as funny as just the other day, Gitmo Eyes were on the Menu of the Bush Diner here in the Bunker. A regular visitor to the Diner is Lynne Cheney, wife of the vice president and champion of good clean video games. None of the violent stuff. That her husband led the charge to not so good clean war is of course ironic, but that's besides the point. She enjoys the diner for the good conversation and interesting cuisine. Robert Blackwill, special presidential envoy to Iraq and John Negroponte, head of the Provisional Authority in Iraq joined her for some Gitmo Eyes prior to taking their assignments in Iraq. Negroponte used to be ambassador to the Honduras while the infamous Battalion 316 was offing people right under his nose. Blackwill was ambassador to India when Dhabol, the Enron financed and run power facility, was in dispute. Blackwill threatened the entire country with dire consequences should they refuse to pay inflated prices for energy. I suppose I should mention the irony of these two men with their histories taking high profile positions in Iraq while our country is still reeling from the photographs of abused prisoner at Abu Ghraib. There was a fourth person at the counter sharing repast with these three. It may have been the devil, as he lives in a cave somewhere beneath the bunker, but I couldn't tell you for sure. |
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