Vera Borisovna works as a hat check girl at the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym, part of the underground complex known as "Cheney's Bunker" where the illuminutty ride the exercycles of power. We are privileged that she has agreed to let the Striporama carry her first person accounts of life in the Bunker.
June 14, 2004
Dear Computer,
They filmed one of the strangest segments on Fox News here in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym today. One of the anchors was sitting stark naked on a little seat near the rowing machines while the other anchor in the studio was saying, "Gee, Tammy, it looks like you're being tortured."
"No, Bob, I'm not being tortured. I'm just demonstrating the difference between torture and abuse. This is abuse. See...no harm done just could use a heater in here..heheheh...."
"Gee, I can see why," chortled Bob, the other anchor. "Of course, you know we can't unlock you for another three days."
"Hahaha! You're such a card, Bob!"
"No, really...we're letting you stay there for three days and then we'll get back to you."
"Bob, you jerk, you'd better stop joking."
Then the camera switched to Bob.
"Next on Fox News, Compassionate Conservatism and What it means for YOU!"
June 12, 2004
Dear Computer,
Today was "Abu Ghraib Day" in the Tri-Lateral Commission gym. Everyone had to dress up and the best costumes won prizes.
Before you go and take offense at all of this, let me share with you a line from the lead editorial in yesterday's Wall Street Journal: "...no one has come up with a single instance of torture by American soldiers or with any policy directive advocating its use."
In other words, there is some S&M which is perfectly respectable, above board and without reproach. Despite the horror felt by most Americans at the photos of human pyramids and fecally coated bodies splashed across the front pages of all of America's newspapers, it turns out that these in fact were not acts of torture. The illuminutty, ever ready to jump on the latest trend, were simply reinforcing this notion today in the gym, not through word, but through actual deed.
They are, if nothing else, a very principled lot.
The winner was Lisa Puffenwhiffle, wife of Pallihurton CFO Pugsly Puffenwhiffle III, who dressed as Private Englund. Enron's Jeffrey Skilling came in second, dressed as General Sanchez.
June 10, 2004
Dear Computer,
John Negroponte came in this morning to try out some of John Ashcroft's new equipment here in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym. It seemed as though John had been using this hardware all his life. He managed to hang fifteen cats.
I know what you're wondering. How did we get fifteen cats into the gym?
More importantly, where does John Negroponte get the fortitude to put up with the horrific yowling of the kitties being executed by his workout? You know, he was ambassador to the Honduras when military thugs were commiting atrocities and never made a peep about it to anyone.
The Tri-Lateral Commission Gym can be a strange and mysterious place sometimes.
June 9, 2004
Dear Computer,
The Justice Department hauled in some new exercise equipment into the Tri-Lateral Commission gym. Naturally, John Ashcroft had to demonstrate the way some of the equipment works. He had me assisting him by stripping completely naked, putting a hood on my head and a ball in my mouth.
Some of the equipment comes with a dress code, apparently.
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Dear Computer, They filmed one of the strangest segments on Fox News here in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym today. One of the anchors was sitting stark naked on a little seat near the rowing machines while the other anchor in the studio was saying, "Gee, Tammy, it looks like you're being tortured." "No, Bob, I'm not being tortured. I'm just demonstrating the difference between torture and abuse. This is abuse. See...no harm done just could use a heater in here..heheheh...." "Gee, I can see why," chortled Bob, the other anchor. "Of course, you know we can't unlock you for another three days." "Hahaha! You're such a card, Bob!" "No, really...we're letting you stay there for three days and then we'll get back to you." "Bob, you jerk, you'd better stop joking." Then the camera switched to Bob. "Next on Fox News, Compassionate Conservatism and What it means for YOU!" |
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Dear Computer, Today was "Abu Ghraib Day" in the Tri-Lateral Commission gym. Everyone had to dress up and the best costumes won prizes. Before you go and take offense at all of this, let me share with you a line from the lead editorial in yesterday's Wall Street Journal: "...no one has come up with a single instance of torture by American soldiers or with any policy directive advocating its use." In other words, there is some S&M which is perfectly respectable, above board and without reproach. Despite the horror felt by most Americans at the photos of human pyramids and fecally coated bodies splashed across the front pages of all of America's newspapers, it turns out that these in fact were not acts of torture. The illuminutty, ever ready to jump on the latest trend, were simply reinforcing this notion today in the gym, not through word, but through actual deed. They are, if nothing else, a very principled lot. The winner was Lisa Puffenwhiffle, wife of Pallihurton CFO Pugsly Puffenwhiffle III, who dressed as Private Englund. Enron's Jeffrey Skilling came in second, dressed as General Sanchez. |
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Dear Computer, John Negroponte came in this morning to try out some of John Ashcroft's new equipment here in the Tri-Lateral Commission Gym. It seemed as though John had been using this hardware all his life. He managed to hang fifteen cats. I know what you're wondering. How did we get fifteen cats into the gym? More importantly, where does John Negroponte get the fortitude to put up with the horrific yowling of the kitties being executed by his workout? You know, he was ambassador to the Honduras when military thugs were commiting atrocities and never made a peep about it to anyone. The Tri-Lateral Commission Gym can be a strange and mysterious place sometimes. |
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Dear Computer, The Justice Department hauled in some new exercise equipment into the Tri-Lateral Commission gym. Naturally, John Ashcroft had to demonstrate the way some of the equipment works. He had me assisting him by stripping completely naked, putting a hood on my head and a ball in my mouth. Some of the equipment comes with a dress code, apparently. |
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